* Tuesday, May 5, 2009
@9:06 PM
PARTS 1-3.
I did it. I told him. I have no regrets whatsoever with what I said to him, but as I look back on it I still think if telling him was the right thing. I always come to the conclusion that I can't take it back and in the end I don't want to, but still that feeling of what it was before is obviously not there anymore and that's what I miss. That joker relationship we both had was I guess what I was holding on too this whole time and as I held on to that I kept building on an idea that things we're perfect. But they weren't. They never really were, especially finding out that last part. Part 3, the one that tore me apart. I told you before, I'll tell you again, and I won't stop till everything gets back to the way it was, but I'm sorry. I know it was because of me, I know that if I didn't feel what I felt part 1 would not have taken place, and part 3 would not cease to exist. I blame myself and not being able to control when I should have. I was selfish, I didn't think of anything or anybody else at the time, I should have pushed all those feelings away before they even began, I don't know if that really made sense but to me pretty much I shouldn't have felt that way towards you. The way I see it now, in the end I ruined pretty much what you loved and wanted the most. While this whole time I was blaming her for putting this pain on you, it was I. While I was there helping you and trying to get you through this difficult time, but still asking repeatedly, "why?!" I know now who to blame. I can never excuse myself, even though we are both just finding out now. I'm never going to stop apologizing. I killed you, I was the one that brought this pain on to you. In the end, if you never met me things would not have to end and be like this. I am deeply sorry for the pain that I have caused you. I'm taking the damage for it now, because after telling you pretty much everything we seem to be going through a rough patch at the moment, but this doesn't mean that I want to leave you or end it all here. I said what I need to say, and now you need to do the same. Even though it will hurt me to see you go back to her, I have to let you go and let you finally have that happiness again. I want to see you smile again even if I won't be there. To me you were more than a friend, you were a brother, an older figure who stood by me through the good & bad, you were there as my roc and a motivator when I needed you the most. You never left my side, even when I wanted you to leave. You were that main impact in my life, and if you ask anyone they can tell you that you did change me. I am a different person because of you, a better person I believe. So it is alright to say even though I can never say it to you personally, but I thank you, I love you & care for you, and will always be here for you no matter what, this I promise you. <3"A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out that in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go.""Real love hurts, real love makes you totally open and vulnerable. Real love will take you far behind yourself, and therefore real love will devestate you. If love doesn't shatter you, you will not know love."
1Mm, cmt?!
1 Cmts:
"I am a different person because of you, a better person I believe" i feel the same with my dysfunctional situation. but this is intense, good you got it out :) i really miss our talks ♥
