Turbulence.
I fucked up. 3 small words, but I never knew how much power 3 words can simply have on someone. I mean everyone says how powerful "I Love You" is to say to someone, but I think saying that a person fucked up shows the courage that the person has to admit their faults. I kinda don't really know what I'm saying right now, and it doesn't even make much sense, but the title pretty much says it all. I think the next few days are gonna be harsh for me, they'll be battles that I'll have to fight, and people and fears I'll have to face and stand up to. I talked to the bestfriend today and she gave me some insight on how I shouldn't feel like I have to deal with all these things I'm going through, and even if I were to go and deal with them, at least not to do it alone, and open up to the people around me, because that's what friends are for. But in the end, who's really listening? I'm not blaming anyone, and when I ask you guys to leave me it doesn't mean I necessairly want that, really I don't. I just don't deserve you guys. I don't deserve the stuff I have, the blessings God gave me I don't think I have the right to call mine. People always leave me, and the way I see it if I push you guys away, then I don't get hurt, right? So like if I don't fall in love then, no one can hurt me .. Iunnoo, a lot has just been creeping up in my mind these past few days, and I guess I'm just starting to realize that I have to face my problems, rather than push them aside .. One big issue I had to face last night was as I was on the phone with one of the bhest's she and I were talking about someone in particular who I believe, and I know I shouldn't say it, but I feel somewhat inferior to her. There, I said it. For some reason, even though we have no particular connection at all, I feel like she has this black cloud over my head. I don't want her life, and I'm not jealous of her, you can believe that. But everytime I'm out with specific people, we always seem to go back to the topic of her. She's always there, and she's everywhere, she's this and she's that and I don't want to do it anymore. Iunoo, why I'm really venting really. I mean my mind is all over the place, turbulence really is how I feel. I just wish this plane ride is over, and I don't have to feel anything anymore. I'm crashing is what it is. I give up, therefore .. I lose.
"Defeat may test you; it need not stop you If at first you don't succeed, try another way. For every obstacle there is a solution. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. The greatest mistake is giving up."
"No one can make you inferior, without your consent."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
